Friday, April 9, 2010

Heavy Rain - Bitches

Part 5: Bitches

Okay, remember how I kept writing "we'll talk more about this in part five?" Well, this is part five. Although I revealed a lot of my distaste and feminist annoyance with this game already, here is where I finally get to break it down to it's most horrifying misogynistic roots. The fruit this tree bears is that of fat, bald, old, ugly white men saying "get back in the kitchen" and "where's my dinner wom!" They go to church and talk out of there asscheeks about how women are just as important as men but are still not allowed to speak in church because Eve was deceived by Satan in the garden, even though men were flat out handed the evil apple and said, "Yes please!" Afterwards they go home and stuff their faces with food and beer watching football even in the summer somehow and scream ignorant comments about black people.

I understand that the average gamer is a 20-something greasy loser with his potato chips and untouched-by-a-woman penis, but it's possible that these 20-something losers may also be intelligent. And when they're intelligent, controlling a woman in the game who's sole purpose is to be forced into plot situations to parade around naked or sexy-like possibly getting raped by a cordless drill is really just insulting. I'd have been okay with maybe the opening scene with her, taking a shower and stuff, enjoying the boobs and her walking around in her underwear, but it crossed the line with the men-rape-dream sequence. And after that the scenes were so offensive that after I finished the game I started punching women that were walking around outside, trying to explain to them they needed to either be half-naked or in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant.

So, Madison is exploited in the opening sequence walking around her apartment at 2am in her underwear. For some reason she walks like a fucking whore even though she's in her apartment alone and she sits down with her ass still being pressed outwards. Then we fight a bunch of men that try to rape her, and of course she gets killed at the end of the sequence (stupid bitch) only to wake up (wtf). The next chapter she just "happens" to be a few doors down from Ethan, and Ethan "happens" to be outside suffering from the car accident, instead of having gone into his room to suffer like a normal human being. It's like he read the script and knew a pretty girl would be walking by and want to help him. So he left all the medication necessary in the bathroom of his room, and then hung around outside so she could come by and play "guardian angel" which is additionally offensive. I was waiting for her to say, "I like to help people." So she plays nurse when Ethan could have hung inside and done quite a bit of this himself. The next chapter with Madison she "happens" to see Ethan passed out on his floor with the door ajar. Again, this is a little ludicrous. I bet he saw her coming and lied down, leaving the door ajar. We know that Madison is a reporter and so she probably went by again to see him, but did we have to have it be like this...again?! Couldn't she have knocked on the door and Ethan answered it, trying to help himself and then she helped him just a little? LOL NOPE NURSE TIEM. So Madison plays guardian angel/useless female character again. Then her next chapter she followed Ethan to the house where he cuts off his finger. Here, for utterly no reason, she helps him run from the cops. She's investigating this guy. He's lying down with blood on his hand and a missing finger! "Oh you poor thing let me save you again!" ...Let me guess, she just...likes to help people? And then Ethan thanklessly tells her to leave him alone back at the motel. How nice of him. Of course, Madison still cares an inordinate amount for him and walks off sadly. Now comes the "big girl" stuff.

Madison finds the guy who owns the house Ethan cut off his finger in. She visits him. Apparently he has to be a creepy ex-surgeon who sells drugs. Okay okay, that's fine, she talks to him etc. She can either drink the drink and pass out, or if she walks towards the back of the apartment later, he'll hit her over the head. Why? BECAUSE HE MISSES SURGERY AND WANTS TO PUT A DRILL UP HER VAGINA, DUHHHH! Wait, so she couldn't have just had a fight scene with this guy? Oh no, she has to be tied up with a cordless drill going towards her vagina. Then the guy unrealistically decides to go answer the door instead of ignoring it, leaving the cordless drill on the table with her so she can escape and have a fight scene with him.

Now we get to the Blue Lagoon. After this scene I shaved my head, got breast implants, gained about a hundred pounds, got my nose pierced, and a tattoo saying "men are useless." Yes, I became a butch lesbian after this. Madison walks in with a pretty blouse and skirt, with her slut-walk that she has even when trying to help Ethan from dying in his motel room, trying to find Stereotype Male #2: This Time He's Mexican. So when she can't get to him, she watches some girl dance and get to sit with him. So Madison does the same, but doesn't get his attention. So she has to go to the bathroom and "time to play the sexy girl." Are you serious? Not only are we already exploiting this chick enough, but now we get to take her to the bathroom and make her more slutty? We get to put on eyeliner and lipstick, unbutton her blouse and watch her push her boobs up, and then actually rip her skirt so it hardly covers her ass. Wow. And if this isn't bad enough, when we go back to dance with her like this, we get actually shots looking up at her and one of the prompts is to push square, and this prompt is right at her crotch. I GET IT THIS CHARACTER'S SOLE PURPOSE IS SO THAT I CAN GET A HARD ON AND MASTURBATE WITH MY GREASY POTATO-CHIP HANDS AS LUBE! SO we get to sit down with this extremely stereotype male who says things like "you make me all hot unda de collar, Mad-ee-sun." Then after Madison says "let's continue this conversation in private," and the guy just walks off through the crowd not guiding her through it at all, they go into his private little suite and when he says "Take eet all off, gurl," Madison is all awkward and surprised. "Oh noes! We's had a misunderstanding how could you have thought I wanted to do something sexual after I danced as a slutty bitch and then said we should go somewhere private?" Then, of course, Paco pulls a gun on her and "never takes never for an answer." On cue, everyone playing rolls their eyes. Here you can unbutton the blouse and then get the lamp and knock him out and get "pride saved," OR you can end up stripping down to just your panties, checking out more Madison body and this time watch her doing it with a sexy dance before smacking the man upside the head with his matching lamp.

Alright, not offended enough? Not a butch lesbian yet? JUST YOU WAIT! THERE'S MORE EVEN JUST IN THIS SCENE! Now she has Paco duct taped to a chair. She can't seem to get him to talk right away, with the gun because she doesn't "have dee ballz." Then a knock on the door, Madison fakes having an orgasm with her voice, so we can all get our rocks off again before the BDSM scene. Okay, here it goes: Madison can't get him to talk with the gun, so she grabs the man's balls. Yes, she couldn't have kicked him, shot the air, done any number of actually strong woman traits, no no, she had to go for the manhood. It's like, we had to continue to emphasize the sexuality of the scene. And not only does she grab them, but we get added buttons as he doesn't divulge all the information, until we are shaking his nuts as we squeeze before he says "John Shepherd." And as if the game wasn't rubbing it in our faces enough, she has a thought where she says, "That's one way to get a man to talk. You go girl!" I damn near began breathing the fire of feminist rage and had to run out of my room in my mom's house--I mean apartment! I damn near caught my APARTMENT COMPLEX on fire. Yes. That's better.

Finally, Madison fulfills her role as possible love interest (based on character choices). At the end she's either Ethan-arm-candy or a successful published writer on the Origami Killer (depending on whether or not you have Ethan alive and had him kiss her and forgive her). What, is this this second idea supposed to be in some way redeeming? We're supposed to now take her seriously as some great writer/investigator/strong-independent woman? No. In fact, it's still annoying because really all she's doing is banking off her success in manipulating Ethan with her womanly wiles long enough to learn all this about him and write about it, as well as all her sexual elements in investigation to get information about the real Origami Killer. She's just a glorified slut at this point who used her tits to make tons of money.

There isn't much to say about Lauren as she's really plot-unessential and as I said: shoved into the plot much like a baby into an empty Pringles container. We can hone in that one: she's a whore, which is more or less unnecessary plotwise, so this is just another horrible representation of women. Also, her character is basically a "mom on a revenge kick," which is another very limited view of women. Go mommy! Go whore! I mean, what else could a woman be other than those? Maybe a cook? Nah, too much responsibility. Also, there's a vague love-interest with Shelby, which is annoying because the guy's a fat ugly chud. So the only reason for this is because she's a woman and it only makes sense that she needs a man, even an ugly fatass that is a serial killer. The only redeeming quality is that she decides to connect two different lists, but this is it, and it's not even that difficult to figure out investigatively, even though it's bothersome that she even has this ability, based on what we know of her character this doesn't follow. And her lack of being built as a character really only adds to the fact that she's simply not cared about by the writers. Useless and unscrupulous is all she is. Just like women. Hooray!

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